Big Pharoah Becomes A Great Statanist

Recounting a conversation with co-workers in which they proposed that the U.S. was behind the bombing of the Golden Mosque in Samarra, he says:

"Well, thanks, you just made me a worshipper of America. I stopped believing in God. Because if what you are saying is true, then America was in fact capable of convincing thousands of Sunni youth from outside Iraq to not just kill Shias but to die in the process as well. Definitely America has supernatural power in order to be able to convince such a huge number of suicide bombers and therefore the statue of liberty and the casinos of Vegas are God. America Akbar!"

I suspect there those of you out there with an annoying tendency to apply logic to these things. You are probably wondering how it is in America's interest, after spending lots of money and blood on a democratic government and installing "puppets", to now spoil everything by stirring up a civil war. Oh, you silly superstitious logicians! Let me clue you into a recent conversation that America, the Great Satan, had with an Arab:

Arab: "But, Great Satan! How does stirring up chaos and civil war in Iraq help your ingenius evil plan to steal Iraq's oil? No one can get oil out of Iraq in all that mayhem!"

Great Satan: "Ha ha ha! Silly Arab! Don't you understand anything? I don't care if another drop of oil comes out of the Middle East. At any time, I can just have my oil companies and car companies start making those cars that run on cooking oil. I could have done that a long time ago, but I kept the designs away from the public because that would have been "good" and I don't do good. I never do good and I never let good things happen. If something good happens it is either a trick of mine or an Arab did it and I cover it up. Don't you get it? Causing trouble is FUN! Fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN!"

That's the reason I attacked Pearl Harbor and blamed the peaceful Japanese and why I caused 9-11 and blamed that famous pacifist Osama Bin Laden. Why do you think I faked the landing on the Moon? Because tricking people is FUN. Remember when Columbus "discovered" America? Even that was faked. There's no North and South American continents and there never were. If you sail West, you you'll arrive at mini-mart in Karaikal, India. (We've been calling the people Columbus found "Indians" but you gullible people never caught on. ha ha!)"

I'm not going to say who was behind that original hoax, but I will say that those Muhammed cartoons nearly blew the lid off the whole thing. I guess I got a little carried away in the thrill of it all. So I blew up the shrine to distract everyone. See? I'm always doing stuff to distract people. (You noticed, I'm sure, people all over the Muslim world stopped protesting anything as soon as they heard about it and went back to drinking tea.)"

Arab: "Wow. That's amazing!"

Great Satan: "That's nothing. Someday I'll tell you how I faked the discovery of electricity!"

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