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Cry Me A Riverbend II

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Big Pharoah Becomes A Great Statanist

Recounting a conversation with co-workers in which they proposed that the U.S. was behind the bombing of the Golden Mosque in Samarra, he says:

"Well, thanks, you just made me a worshipper of America. I stopped believing in God. Because if what you are saying is true, then America was in fact capable of convincing thousands of Sunni youth from outside Iraq to not just kill Shias but to die in the process as well. Definitely America has supernatural power in order to be able to convince such a huge number of suicide bombers and therefore the statue of liberty and the casinos of Vegas are God. America Akbar!"

I suspect there those of you out there with an annoying tendency to apply logic to these things. You are probably wondering how it is in America's interest, after spending lots of money and blood on a democratic government and installing "puppets", to now spoil everything by stirring up a civil war. Oh, you silly superstitious logicians! Let me clue you into a recent conversation that America, the Great Satan, had with an Arab:

Arab: "But, Great Satan! How does stirring up chaos and civil war in Iraq help your ingenius evil plan to steal Iraq's oil? No one can get oil out of Iraq in all that mayhem!"

Great Satan: "Ha ha ha! Silly Arab! Don't you understand anything? I don't care if another drop of oil comes out of the Middle East. At any time, I can just have my oil companies and car companies start making those cars that run on cooking oil. I could have done that a long time ago, but I kept the designs away from the public because that would have been "good" and I don't do good. I never do good and I never let good things happen. If something good happens it is either a trick of mine or an Arab did it and I cover it up. Don't you get it? Causing trouble is FUN! Fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN!"

That's the reason I attacked Pearl Harbor and blamed the peaceful Japanese and why I caused 9-11 and blamed that famous pacifist Osama Bin Laden. Why do you think I faked the landing on the Moon? Because tricking people is FUN. Remember when Columbus "discovered" America? Even that was faked. There's no North and South American continents and there never were. If you sail West, you you'll arrive at mini-mart in Karaikal, India. (We've been calling the people Columbus found "Indians" but you gullible people never caught on. ha ha!)"

I'm not going to say who was behind that original hoax, but I will say that those Muhammed cartoons nearly blew the lid off the whole thing. I guess I got a little carried away in the thrill of it all. So I blew up the shrine to distract everyone. See? I'm always doing stuff to distract people. (You noticed, I'm sure, people all over the Muslim world stopped protesting anything as soon as they heard about it and went back to drinking tea.)"

Arab: "Wow. That's amazing!"

Great Satan: "That's nothing. Someday I'll tell you how I faked the discovery of electricity!"

-

7 Comments:

  • hi
    i am an iraqi and this is the first time i have visted ur blog ..riverbend is my cousin and i find ur site extremely unpalatable and insulting to iraqis ...with ppl like u ,,u will never earn the respect of iraqis ...how can u as a foreigner who has never been to iraq and cannot even pronounce the name of our country ,understand abt our country and its people ...wat gives u the right sir to speak on its behalf ..u are a bloody foreigner afterall ...we didnt want u here and now u will decide waz good and bad or us ..u come across as a person with an innate sense of superiority complex and ur attempts at patronising the iraqi bloggers is extremely pathetic and sickening .and oh ur high and mighty attitude is extremely disrespectful ...wat best u can do other than pick on iraqis whose only fault happens to be that they criticise the "liberation".already ur government has "liberated" so many innocent iraqis from their miserable lives .do me a favor. if u want to garner the frenship of iraqis stop this racist attiude of patronising iraqis and treating them as someone who is lower to u ..then in my opinion u will have respect for iraqis ...and by the way riverbend and jarrars blogs have much more popular following than ur blog will ever get

    a "LIBERATED" IRAQI

    By Anonymous A "LIBERATED" IRAQI, at 8:37 AM  

  • miss liberated,

    saddam is in chains and on trial..

    too bad so sad for you.

    btw lots of new evidence is being translated from thousands and thousands of Saddam's documents, think Grand Papa Jarrar's paper trail is OK?

    Mukhabarat

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:26 AM  

  • Come back CMAR II, we miss you!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:48 AM  

  • Dear Liberated Iraqi,

    Please don't assume that all Americans and Westerners are as ignorant or as ugly as CMAR II. Most of us are only guilty of being too weak to stand up to the neocon freaks who took over our governments -- but that's guilty enough. Believe me, they're as much the enemy of innocent people on this side of the world as they are of you and your people.

    Invading and occupying Iraq was wrong. Period. It's starting to look like there was nothing done under Saddam's administration, as abhorent as it was, that is any more disgusting, inhumane, or corrupt than what is being done under the Bush/Blair coalition. They belong in prison right alongside Saddam.

    Those of us who had misgivings were cowed into silence in the beginning with accusations that we were comparable to terrorists or that we were unpatriotic. Our sin was not to stand up to those ridiculous tactics. And that's why we all share responsibility for what was done to Iraq. Please don't think that we are all like CMAR II -- vindictive and blind. Please also don't assume that we don't understand our role in this whole mess. Innocent civilians around the world rely on people of good conscience to stand up for them when corrupt regimes do battle. We failed you. We let you down.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:41 AM  

  • Liberated Iraqi,

    Sorry my reply took so long. Since you have only criticized my "tone" and were not affronted by my speculation, should I presume I am pretty close to the mark about Riverbend?

    In my opinion, an Iraqi who has been adamant against the New Iraq from the very beginning and who has acted as an apologist for Saddam (that wiley disciple of Stalin) on her blog has plenty of faults to answer for. An Iraqi who was a rejectionist toward the three free democratic elections to choose Iraqi (not foreign) leadership, is simply lacking in patriotism.

    Prior to April 9th, 2003, Saddam was busily "liberating" plenty of Iraqis from their lives --- he just wasn't doing it to your cousins. There were plenty of Iraqis without electricity under Saddam -- but they were in the northeast and wherever he chose to cut off power as "retribution". If things are worse for you now "O cousin of Riverbend", there's an American saying to describe your situation: "tough beans".

    The suffering of the Iraqis today is primarily the result of members of the Saddam regime who continued to fight against the "foreigners" by blowing up cars in the streets and whom allied themselves with foreign Takfirs to widen that fight. It is also largely the fault of a wide spectrum of certain Iraqis (mostly Sunni Arabs) who provided moral support for that so-called "noble resistance". Now, as a result of their endeavors, the Iraqis are facing a simmering sectarian war. That's what the Takfirs wanted. That's what Saddam's Orphans thought was in their interests. Unfortunately, unless it can be stopped, it will mean the ethnic cleansing of the Sunni Arabs and the continued strengthening of the Shi'a militias. It will be a blood-bath for the Sunni Arabs now if the US leaves. But don't worry, the US troops will stay. They'll stay until the US believes you guys are safe from genocide. No need to thank them. They're just lilke that.

    My attitude is neither high nor mighty. I'm a reader of Iraqi bloggers and on-the-scene journalists and I write about what I've read. Think of me as a sports journalist who writes about things while not participating. I'm no more interested in currying the "love" of Iraqi bloggers than the guy who writes in the paper that "so-and-so blew that goal in the last match and it is time for him to hang up his cleets." Like any American, I want to be liked. But I'd rather be right that loved.

    By Blogger CMAR II, at 9:26 AM  

  • Thanks for the article, I read it and the post and I have to say that this all gets more confusing when you are new to all this,just when I think I understand it all, someone throws in something new.
    I guess I will all click in to place at some stage!

    By Anonymous Online Pharmacy, at 11:30 PM  

  • I know that those situations don't look good. the only thing left to do it is that you government tries to get your country back.

    By Anonymous best pharmacy, at 1:11 PM  

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